He’s driving me out of my skin, my bones heavy, tingles traveling the road to ecstasy. He sucks my nipple into his mouth, and I tilt my pelvis, the gentle rocking motion against his hard abs providing exquisite friction. With each roll of my hips, I climb another step toward impending climax. Letting loose a deep moan, I claw at his shoulder.

  “Look at me,” he rasps out, fisting my hair. Our eyes connect, and the tension snaps. Sweet release storms through me, the dam busting wide open. I’m a passenger in his arms, my mouth gaping in soundless cries as I come all over his abdomen.

  I haven’t yet descended from the last crest when his muscles tense, and he jerks to a halt inside me. The sight of him in the throes of orgasmic bliss, his head thrown back as he grunts and groans through his release, is an image I want to brand onto my mind forever.

  Chapter Seven

  I’m close to sleep, snuggled at his side as he plays with my tangled locks. He twirls a braid around a finger, lets it go, then starts all over again. I have no idea what he’s thinking, or feeling, because we’ve barely said two words since we shared the most intimate, mind-blowing experience of my life.

  Maybe it’s the quiet, or the flickering candlelight shrouding us in solitude, but after I came down from the adrenaline rush of becoming one with Sebastian Alexander Stone—aka Sexy As Sin—my mind went on its own trip into deceptively calm waters.

  It started with a comparison to my only other authentic experience with intimacy. Liam sent me reeling when he broke down and shared his bed with me on his birthday. I’ll never forget the sparks he ignited, making me come for the first time, or how safe and content I felt in his arms the following morning.

  But tonight with Sebastian…there’s no comparison. My heart aches with guilt and sorrow and fulfillment—too many conflicting emotions to name. I care about Liam, irrevocably so, and I don’t want to hurt him. Except I’ve already hurt him, because he somehow knew before I did that Sebastian would be the death of us.

  The chancellor can’t steal my heart when it already belongs to someone else. But what about Sebastian’s heart? Does a piece of it still belong to Lilith?

  “Did you sleep with her?” The question startles us both, and it’s a betrayal to myself, because I don’t really want to know the answer. Or I shouldn’t want to know, but the night of the ball—when Lilith stepped off his floor and into the elevator with tears in her eyes—will forever haunt me unless we talk about it.

  This conversation’s been coming for a while, and we’ve both known it.

  With a sigh, Sebastian untangles himself from me and sits at the edge of the bed, one hand trailing through his messy hair.

  “You want to do this now, after the night we just had?”

  The fact that he isn’t questioning me on what I’m talking about, let alone denying it, squeezes my heart with dread.

  “Yes, I do. We just shared the most amazing experience of my life, and I can’t let this uncertainty overshadow it in my head. Don’t you think it’s time we cleared the air?”

  He glances at me from over his shoulder. “You aren’t the only one with doubts, princess. What happened with the chancellor last month after dinner?”

  Scooting into a sitting position against the headboard, I pull the sheet to my chest. “You’re deflecting.”

  “I’m not deflecting, Novalee. You want to have this talk, so we’re having it. Tell me what happened.”

  It’s a demand as much as it is a blatant directional shift in conversation, and I grit my teeth before answering. “I asked him to take my anal virginity.”

  Several tense moments slip past. “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to have it.”

  He raises a brow. “I wouldn’t have guessed, going by your eagerness tonight.” Pointedly, he glances at the rumpled sheets. “So who stopped it—you or him?”

  Avoiding his eyes, I swallow hard. “Liam did.”

  He lets out a bitter laugh. “Of course he did. Castle is too goddamn noble for his own good.” He gets up and turns to face me, hands in his hair. “My turn now, is it?”

  “Yes,” I say, wary of the remorseful slant of his mouth.

  “You deserve the truth, but are you sure you want it?”

  “No, but I need it.”

  He nods, jaw stiff with resignation. “I fucked her.”

  His admission slices me deeper than I thought it would—straight to the marrow of my bones. I close my eyes against the burn of tears and try to breathe, but it’s no use. Betrayal squeezes the air from my lungs. The mattress shifts under his weight, and his ragged breaths spread over my face. He slides a palm along my cheek, urging my eyes open.

  “I’m not done,” he says, locking his gaze with mine. “You wanted the truth, so here it is. I fucked her, and I’ve never regretted it more. I’d take it back if I could.”

  “You can’t take it back.”

  “I know that. But you need to know it was a meaningless and angry fuck. After you showed up later that night, I realized it was goodbye.”

  “It was more than meaningless, Sebastian. You were a mess that night. So was she. It didn’t look like goodbye to me.”

  “It was goodbye,” he says, tone stubborn with certainty.

  “Why are you moving on from her now? Why not the night you came to my room?” My voice cracks with hurt as the memory of his callous behavior picks at the scar he left on my soul. “Or when Landon asked you to marry me? Why now?”

  “I wasn’t ready to let her go, but the second you walked out the door that night, wanting the security you thought Castle would give you, I knew I fucked up. I want you, Novalee. Hell, I want things with you I didn’t know I wanted until Landon dangled them in front of my nose.”

  I blink, and a hot tear escapes, collecting in the crease where his thumb presses into my cheek. His gaze never wavers, and in those blue depths I find a glimmer of truth. But the truth feels like a betrayal, despite the complexities of our situation.

  Because this isn’t a mere triangle—it’s a square of epic proportions spanning a battlefield of inevitable heartache.

  And I don’t believe his heart is mine to break.

  “How do you expect me to believe you? You made your disdain for my presence clear from the beginning.”

  “You’re right. I was horrible to you when you first came here.”

  “Why were you so hateful?”

  “Your role here is the embodiment of everything I despise about the Brotherhood.” He pauses, throat bobbing with a hard swallow. “I didn’t want to care for you, and I sure as hell didn’t want to fall in love with you.”

  His unspoken but lingers between us, heavy in the air with a soul-lighting spark of clarity. He didn’t want to love me…

  But he does.

  As my breathing grows shallow, I cover his hand with my own, keeping his warm palm flush with my cheek. “Sebastian, I…” Another tear slips free, a mixture of hurt and cautious joy.

  He swipes the salty drop away with his thumb. “Don’t say it unless you mean it.”

  “I feel it too,” I whisper.

  He tugs me onto his lap, one arm tight across my lower spine. “It kills me to know I’m not the only one you feel it for.”

  I’ve never seen him more raw and flayed, and I suspect he’s not used to putting his pride on the line, let alone his heart.

  Not since Lilith Astor.

  I settle into a skin-on-skin straddle and take his scruffy face between my hands. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially Liam because he’s been good to me, but—”

  “No buts.” His jaw hardens. “Give it to me straight.”

  “I wasn’t done yet,” I say, echoing his earlier sentiment. “But…you have my heart.” His lips part, and before he says a word, I press a finger to his mouth. “I need to know if I have yours.”

  “Why do you think I brought you here?” He glances at the candles placed around the bedroom. “Words mean shit without the actions to back them up. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.” He pauses. “I wanted to be the man you deserve.”

  “You are, Sebastian.”

  “I hope that’s true.”

  “Is there a reason it wouldn’t be?”

  “I can be a real ass.”

  I laugh. “That’s common knowledge.”

  His serious expression doesn’t break. “You really want to marry me?”

  “It’s not up to me,” I point out. “That decision is out of my hands.”

  “For me, it’s not. I won’t bid in the auction unless you want me to.”

  “Of course I want you to.”

  He tugs my face closer. “Then it’s you and me, princess.” With the vow sweet on his lips, he seals it with a kiss.

  Chapter Eight

  He’s beautiful when he sleeps, his features softened in the late morning sunlight filtering through the gauzy curtains. His naked body sprawls on the mattress beside me, bedsheets pushed below his groin to reveal a huge morning erection. My fingers itch to caress the length, but I don’t want to wake him yet. Resisting temptation, I force my attention above his waist.

  His right shoulder wears the evidence of my fingernails from last night. Those marks are proprietary, telling the world he’s mine. Last on my morning round of ogling the sexiest man alive, I stall on his face. Dirty blond hair flops over his forehead in dishevelment. I want to brush it back, but I don’t dare for fear of waking him. Just as I don’t dare disturb those full lips—beautifully shaped and parted on each exhale—by greeting him good morning with a kiss.

  Instead, I slither off the mattress and tiptoe to the end of the bed. Opening my suitcase would cause too much noise, so I grab his dress shirt off the floor and pull it on, fastening all but the top two buttons. The material is soft and encloses my body in his clean and earthy scent.

  I leave the bedroom with plans to bring him breakfast in bed, but as I enter the kitchen, a firm series of knocks startle me. I change direction, and even before I pull the front door open, I somehow know who’s standing on the other side.

  “Did he hurt you?”

  It’s the first thing out of Liam’s mouth, his concerned umber gaze darting over my shoulder in search of the man he deems his rival. Stepping onto the front stoop, I close the door behind me. The maneuver puts me in close proximity, and I fit my spine against the wood, clinging to space. The alternative would mean having this conversation inside, which would wake the sleeping lion, and the last thing I want is a confrontation to ruin what promises to be another perfect day.

  I also don’t want to hurt Liam more than necessary…more than I already have. More than I will when he learns the truth.

  “I’m fine,” I say, my voice scratchy from sleep.

  The chancellor’s attention spans my face before roving to mid-thigh, where the hem of Sebastian’s shirt falls. My cheeks flush with guilt, and I avoid his eyes.

  “You don’t seem fine, my sweet girl.” He reaches a hand out to touch me, but his fingers stop before making contact. “You seem upset.”

  “You seem tired,” I counter, examining the circles under his eyes. Exhaustion darkens his scruffy jawbone, the evidence of a sleepless night drawn in the lines around his mouth. Even his suit, worn to perfection on most days as if he invented the concept of a classically dressed man, hangs on his frame in a rumpled state.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” He pauses with a bob of his Adam’s apple. “Not while you were missing.”

  “Missing?”

  “Sebastian wasn’t supposed to take you off the estate grounds without clearance.”

  “It’s not like he took me to another country.”

  “He broke protocol, Novalee.”

  The door wrenches open, and I fall backward into two strong, warm arms. “You can take your protocol and shove it,” Sebastian says, folding me into a possessive embrace from behind. His jeans brush my calves, and I’m relieved he had the foresight to put on a pair of pants.

  Liam’s gaze narrows to two angry slits as he takes in the arms around my waist, as if they’re a threat he must destroy. He shakes his head. “You can’t do whatever the hell you want. You’re required to clear all overnight trips with the Brotherhood first. I can have you disqualified from the auction for this.”

  “No!” I move out of Sebastian’s grasp and put my hand on the front of Liam’s suit jacket. “Please don’t. I’m begging you.” The instant the plea leaves my lips, I want to recall the words and the blaring ring of truth in them.

  I want to take back the unintended pain I just launched at him. But there’s no taking it back. Devastation holds his expression hostage, and a piece of my heart fractures.

  “So you’ve made your choice.” His words are a statement, void of accusation and rife with conclusion. Despite the decision not being mine to make, it matters to him that my heart knows what it wants. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he takes a step backward, and my palm falls from his chest.

  “Liam, please…” Unsure of what I can say to erase the pain on his face, I wring my hands, struggling for an explanation. “I…I’m so sorry.”

  And that’s when he wipes the hurt from his face, expression softening in the morning sunlight. “I know you are.” He drags a hand through his coppery hair, and as his gaze zeroes in on Sebastian, the frosty edge returns to those brown eyes. “You have until tonight to return with the queen.”

  “We’ll be back tomorrow.”

  Liam shakes his head, mouth an uncompromising line. “Not a minute past ten tonight, or I’ll start proceedings to have you removed from participating in the auction.” He turns on his heel and strides to the waiting SUV idling next to the sporty car Sebastian drove here yesterday.

  A driver in a suit opens the back door for the chancellor, and the first man I cared about, maybe even loved, disappears into the back seat. Regret tightens my chest as the car backs down the driveway. A small part of me wants to run after him, screaming for him to wait.

  Sebastian grips my hand, a quiet reminder that he’s my home now, the one my heart yearns for. The one I can’t fathom walking away from, no matter the circumstances.

  Doesn’t mean hurting Liam doesn’t cut me to my soul though.

  I work my hand free and return inside, blinking in rapid succession to keep the tears at bay. Making my way to the kitchen, I sense Sebastian’s steps on my heels. I open the refrigerator and gaze at the contents without seeing a thing.

  “Novalee,” he says, his cajoling voice gentler than I deserve. More understanding than I deserve.

  “I’m sorry…” I stall, unsure of what to say. What can I say? Blinking doesn’t work, and I panic as my eyes burn with shame. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to cry in front of you.”

  Closing the door to the fridge, he whirls me around. “It’s you and me now, remember?” When I try to look away, he grips my chin. “That means when you hurt, I hurt.”

  “I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

  “That’s the nature of this curse, princess. Pain on top of more pain. A whole fucking lifetime of it.” Stepping closer, he tangles his hands in my hair, refusing to allow me the avenue of retreat. “All we can do is hold on to what little happiness we have.”

  As his words sink in, a new fear barrels to the forefront. “We should go back. You can’t get disqualified. You can’t.”

  “Castle doesn’t scare me.”

  “He’s the chancellor!”

  “He’s bluffing.”

  “How can you be certain?”

  An unnamed emotion darkens his expression. “Because he loves you.”

  It’s enough to bust through my defenses. Averting my gaze, I’m helpless as tears stream down my cheeks, and I despise every single one of them. They’re a sign of weakness, easily misconstrued as something born from indecision.

  I haven’t changed my mind about Sebastian, but I didn’t expect how the evidence of Liam’s devastation would shred me to pieces.

  “I want to go back.” Being in this cottage, where just yesterday I experienced the happiest day of my life, leaves me in agony. “Please, take me back.”

  “He gave us the day, Novalee.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t be here right now. I’m sorry.”

  He backs away, his hands dropping to his sides. The chasm between us widens, becomes its own entity in this messed up situation. Legally, I’m caught between twelve men, but in my heart, where it counts, only two reside.

  The choice isn’t mine, but they both want me to choose, regardless of rules and protocol.

  And I thought I had, thought I knew—without reservation—what I wanted at the core of my being.

  But now…now I’m not sure of anything.

  Chapter Nine

  Gone is the easy banter. The sexy grins. No more carefree fun as the wind blows my hair into a whirl. The top is up during the car ride back to the tower, and so is Sebastian’s guard. The first half of the hour-long drive passes in silence, but the air between us grows tense with things left unsaid.

  I’m sick with knowing I hurt him, my actions back at the cottage destroying the last twenty-four hours we spent together. He put his heart on the line, went above and beyond to make up for his past behavior. Finally, after all of these months, he opened up and let me see the vulnerable man hiding behind the angry sentinel.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, throat constricted with fear.

  “For what?”

  “For hurting you.”

  He doesn’t answer, and the ball of dread in my gut grows denser. “Don’t shut me out again,” I plead.

  He grips the steering wheel. “I’m not shutting you out.”

  “You’re not talking to me, either.”

  “What do you want me to say? You’re still conflicted. I get it.”

  “You don’t.” With each mile that passes under us, he slips away a little further. “Yesterday was the most amazing day of my life, Sebastian. I just…I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

  “Someone needs to get hurt.” He glances at me for three full seconds, the car holding steady on the road as the progress we made yesterday crashes and explodes. “If it’s me, then it’s me, but I won’t touch you again until you figure it out.” He returns his attention to the highway, jaw hardening with anger.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8