Epiphany, p.26
Epiphany, page 26
His hands grabbed at me, pulled…pulled some more until he dragged me into the darkness where I suffocated.
“No!” My eyes flew open as a hoarse cry tore from my throat. Slowly, the dreary walls of the hospital room came into focus and I remembered where I was.
“It’s okay. No one’s gonna hurt you.” Aidan embraced me from behind, and his hands locked around my wrists to still them. Our position had to be painful for him, pressed against me the way he was, but he seemed more concerned for me than for himself.
I gulped in a breath. “Don’t let go.”
“Never.” He drew the covers over us, and his arms tightened around me again. We were so close we could have been one.
“This is so wrong,” he said. “Holding you shouldn’t make me feel this dirty.” His voice sounded ragged, though from emotion or the narcotics they were feeding into his veins, I couldn’t be sure.
My heartbeat had begun its slow decent to normal. “I don’t care. I need you right now.”
“I’m here.”
But he wouldn’t always be. Eventually, after Judd was caught, I’d have to move on.
“There’s no way you came from that man,” he said. “You’re too good.”
“Not that good. I lied to you. If I hadn’t—”
“Stop. I know where you’re going with this, and I understand why you didn’t tell me at first. It was a lot to take in.” He expelled a deep sigh. “Shit, it still is.”
“But I should’ve told you.”
“And I shouldn’t have treated you like shit the night you drove me home from the hospital, but you forgave me. Let it go, Mackenzie. People make mistakes.”
Gradually, I relaxed in his arms. “You came from him, and I think you’re pretty amazing,” I said.
“See what I’m talking about? You choose to see the good in people, but there’s nothing good about my father. I don’t want you getting sucked in by him.”
“What would he want with me? I’m nobody.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. He’s power hungry. Logan is a mess because of him.”
“How’s your wound?” I asked, needing to change the subject.
“I’m okay.” He slid a palm beneath my shirt and settled over the spot where our baby grew.
We fell silent for a while, and the weight of his touch brought my pregnancy to the forefront of my mind. I hated my mom for the sick feeling that twisted in my gut anytime I let my thoughts drift there. “What are we going to do about this, Aidan?”
“Absolutely nothing until we know for sure.”
“We should prepare for the worst. At least talk about options.”
His arms stiffened around me. “What options? What are you talking about?”
“Genetic counseling…abortion.” A ball of guilt formed in my stomach at the thought, and Aidan’s silence only made it worse. I blinked back tears. “You must hate me for even thinking it.”
“Of course I don’t hate you.” He let out a breath that feathered against my cheek. “Could you really abort our baby?”
“I don’t know,” I choked out. A vague recollection of a dream flitted through my mind. Aidan kissing me, a look of pure joy on his face while our newborn cried on my chest. The scene faded almost as quickly as it had come, leaving behind another ache in my heart. “But if we’re related…” I didn’t want to consider what kind of birth defects our child could end up with.
“We don’t have to talk about this right now.” His voice was laced with sleep, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.
“I’m so scared.”
“I know.” He swept the hair from my cheek and brushed a kiss there. “I could kill our parents right now.”
“Me too.”
We remained wrapped in each other like we had so many times before, though this time was different. This time each touch was a shameful, stolen moment, and only the reality of how we’d have to part for good kept the guilt at bay. His breathing evened out, and after a while his soft snores tickled my ear.
How had we gotten to this place—this crazy place where DNA hung over our heads as a serial killer ran loose?
I must have dozed off again because I awoke sometime later, startled by the lullaby that played over the hospital’s intercom every time a baby was born. Once the melody fell silent, low voices filtered into the room.
Blinking sleep from my eyes, I came fully awake and glanced at Aidan to find that he was still out. The tense exchange in the hall propelled me from bed. I recognized my mom’s voice immediately, and I had a good guess at who the other belonged to. I tiptoed toward the open doorway.
“You can’t keep me from her.” Hamilton’s tone was low, and something about it sent a shiver through me. “If I’d known about her before, there would be no contest, Jane.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t then.”
“You selfish”—Hamilton dropped his voice—“woman. Your silence denied her so much. She could have gone to the best of colleges. She wouldn’t be in this God-awful town serving drunks all night long!”
“Don’t presume to think you know anything about her life.”
“She’s my daughter, and she’s going to know who she is.”
“She knows who she is, and no amount of DNA will—” My mom cut off, and when I peeked around the corner, I noticed Joe standing a few feet away.
I closed my eyes for a moment before making my presence known in the doorway.
Joe held up the same tabloid magazine Aidan had confronted me with earlier. “Someone want to explain this to me?” Everyone fell eerily quiet, and even the normal background noise seemed to be missing.
“Can we not do this here?” I asked.
Hamilton cleared his throat. “Jane, a word in private?”
“Fine,” she snapped. She looked anywhere but at me. They disappeared down the hall together, and I tried not to dwell on what they were arguing about.
Joe studied the picture of Hamilton and me. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”
My stomach dropped. “Where did you get that?”
“Gift shop. Never expected to find you on the cover of one of these rags. What’s going on, Mac?”
I peered into Aidan’s room one last time, then gestured in the direction of the lounge. “Come on.”
The waiting area was thankfully empty, and Joe wasted no time in throwing his questions at me. “Am I going nuts, or is your father the CEO of Payne-Davis?” He glanced at the front page again. “I mean, you said you met your dad in Seattle, and that was him just now with your mom, right?”
“Yes.”
“But isn’t Payne Aidan’s last name?”
Avoiding his eyes, I nodded.
“Shit, Mac! So that’s why you freaked out?”
I didn’t have the strength to convince him he was wrong. Fighting a sudden bout of nausea, I sank onto the couch. “I didn’t know he was my father. Not until Thanksgiving.”
“But at least you and Aidan didn’t…?”
I lifted my head. “I’m not talking about this with you. It’s none of your business.”
“You slept with him? So you make me wait two years but jump into bed with the first guy you meet after we break up?”
I got to my feet and jabbed a finger at the door. “Get out,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t need this from you.”
“Look, I know you’ve been through hell, but there’s nothing here for you.” He rubbed his hands down his face. “I mean shit, he’s your…your…what? Your cousin or something? That’s just wrong.”
I folded my arms, not about to correct his assumption that Aidan and I were only cousins. That would be a step up from the truth. “Wrong or not, it’s reality. I have to deal with it, and he has to deal with it, but you don’t. I’m grateful you were there last night, but you need to go home now.”
“Of course I was there for you! I love you.” He took a step toward me, and I recognized the resolution in his eyes. “Come with me. We can disappear for a while—you always wanted to get in the car and just drive. Let’s do it. Mac, please.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t be serious! Staying here is only going to hurt you, not to mention put you in more danger. You can’t be with him.”
“I’m aware of that.” I hugged myself and widened the space between us. Why couldn’t he just leave? “Go home, and take my mom with you. There’s no point in you guys hanging around.”
“How can you be so cold? She’s your mother.”
I couldn’t answer him. Maybe I was being a bitch, but everything was piling up fast, and I could hardly breathe.
“If anyone should be pushed out of your life,” he said, “it’s him. He almost got you killed.”
“It’s not his fault.”
“He seems to think it is. He couldn’t stop blaming himself last night when we found you.”
I hesitated, debating on what to tell him. “His wife was one of the victims in Boise.” Judd’s victims. I gulped. “He’s been through a lot too.”
He raised his brows. “I don’t give a shit what he’s been through. I almost lost you because of him.”
“I’m the one who chose the wrong time to go on a road trip. I shouldn’t have left.”
He shook his head. “Water it down however you like. He’s trouble.”
“That’s not fair. He isn’t to blame.”
“You aren’t either.” He spanned the distance between us and brought his body much too close.
“Look at me.”
Stubbornly, I kept my gaze on his sneakers.
“What happened isn’t your fault. Any of it.” He tilted my chin up, and his blue eyes lowered to my mouth. I went perfectly still, fearful of what he’d do. “I made the mistake of walking away once already. I won’t do it again.”
“You don’t have a choice.” I pushed on his chest until he got the hint. “Just because we’ve known each other forever doesn’t mean you can stick your nose in my business.”
“You will always be my business,” he said, inching closer still.
“I’m pregnant, Joe.” I winced because I hadn’t planned on telling him, but the sight of his gaping mouth indicated my words had the desired effect. “You need to go home. This doesn’t involve you.”
He was struck speechless, so I took the opportunity to slip from the lounge. When I reached Aidan’s room, I stalled in the doorway.
Logan stood next to the bed, and I watched as he handed Aidan a plastic bag with a cardboard cup inside. “Now will you tell me why you sent me after Dad’s trash?”
51. Ambush
It was weird how time crawled when you wanted it to speed up. I was beginning to think hospitals had a way of slowing time so those dying would have longer to live. Longer to say goodbye. No matter the reason, three days shouldn’t feel like a decade.
But they did. Three long days waiting for the DNA ball to drop.
I turned on the restroom faucet and splashed my face with water, and my tired eyes stared at me from the mirror. The term “morning sickness” was an evil, misleading myth. I’d been vomiting so much Aidan’s mother had noticed, though I’d convinced her I had a stomach bug. I left the restroom and returned to Aidan’s room, finding it empty of visitors. Hamilton and Lila weren’t in sight, and my mom and Joe had thankfully left already.
So had Logan. He’d taken the news of our possible relation in stride—unnervingly so. Aidan later told me Logan had become an expert at suppressing his emotions in order to cope with the empathy overload of others.
At one point I overheard him muttering about the grief in the place. He’d returned to Portland shortly after that. I couldn’t deny he intrigued me, and the fact that he was likely my brother made it more so. Logan knew what it was like to be different, and I’d never met anyone who could relate in such a way.
“You okay?” Aidan asked, snapping me back to the present.
“Define ‘okay.’” My eyes zeroed in on the large envelope in his hands; he clutched it as if it held the secrets of the universe.
Maybe it did.
“Is that…?”
“Yeah.” He scooted into a sitting position. “I’m scared to open it.”
I wanted to go to him. I wanted it so badly, but we’d been careful not to touch since we’d fallen asleep together the day he’d awakened after surgery.
He patted the spot beside him. “Come here. Let’s do this together.”
“Okay.” I settled next to him, and we both stared at the envelope. Inside contained the power to either grind the last pieces of my heart into dust…or meld them back together again. “Just do it.”
He inhaled quickly, then tore into the envelope. The next few seconds seemed longer than any span of time I’d ever held my breath through.
“What does it say?”
His jaw slackened, and my heart shattered all over again at the disbelief on his face. It wasn’t a joyous or even relieved expression.
“Aidan, just tell me.”
“He’s your father.”
The room spun, and for a few moments nothing registered. I wasn’t sure why I was so stunned—deep down I’d known. I finally found my voice and began to cry, and that’s when I noticed his hands on my shoulders, shaking me.
“Mackenzie!”
I raised my head. “God, this isn’t happening.”
“Listen to me. He’s your father, but he’s not mine.”
“What?” I blinked, expecting to wake up at any moment. No way had I heard him correctly.
“According to this, you and I aren’t related, and he’s not my biological father.”
His words burrowed into my consciousness, and with a cry of joy, I launched myself into his arms. The breath whooshed from him as we fell to the mattress. I could only imagine what this revelation meant to him, to us, but I was too selfish to think about it just then. “Oh God…oh God!” Tears bathed my face as I held onto him. “Tell me this is real.”
He cradled my head, his fingers tangling in my hair, and then we were kissing. Our mouths fed off each other, devouring in unashamed abandon. We rolled, him with a groan of pain, and me with a whimper of desperation.
He broke away a few seconds later and dropped his forehead against mine. “I’ve never been so relieved in my life.”
I couldn’t fight the smile that spread across my face. “I can’t believe I’m free to love you.”
“I would’ve loved you anyway.” He closed his eyes, or I closed mine—maybe we both did—but the moment held us captive in a state of temporary reprieve; he wasn’t wounded and in pain, our mothers weren’t liars, and Judd wasn’t free. For the sixty seconds that we breathed each other in, I almost convinced myself it was true.
“I need to find my mother,” he said. My eyes flew open when he pulled away. He stood, his body swaying for a moment, and reached for the bag that contained a change of clothes.
I jumped to my feet. “What are you doing?”
“Getting dressed.”
“Don’t you dare. Get back in bed.” This was not a new argument. He was the worst kind of patient. Just yesterday he’d tried to talk the doctor into releasing him early. I hated to think of what he’d do if he knew Judd was still out there somewhere. “You’re still recovering.”
His mouth flattened into a line, and his eyes lowered to my abdomen. “You actually talked about abortion. I wanted to protect her from his affairs, but I can’t keep quiet about this. She’s got some explaining to do.”
“I agree, but it can wait.”
“No, it can’t.” He reached behind his back to unsnap the hospital gown and tried to hide a wince.
“You’re so stubborn,” I said, stepping behind him to undo the snaps. I helped him dress so he wouldn’t hurt himself. He took off through the door, and for someone who’d been shot a few days ago, he didn’t have any problem storming down the hallway. I hurried to keep up with his long stride.
Lila couldn’t have gone far. She and Hamilton had checked into a hotel, but she spent every waking moment in the hospital. Last I’d heard she’d gone to get something to eat. He swung a door open, and we found the cafeteria empty save for his mother. It was late, and the dinner crowd had cleared out a while ago. Lila sat in the corner of the room, picking at a salad that looked as if it had come from one of the vending machines.
Aidan charged across the room and flung the DNA results on the table.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she rose to her feet, eyes wide. She glanced around, as if someone were about to strike. She wasn’t far from the truth, though I doubted she expected the strike to come from Aidan.
“You tell me, Mom.”
She blinked, clearly alarmed by his tone. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.” She gestured toward the papers. “What’s this?”
“A paternity test.”
That got her attention. She snatched up the results, and her gaze quickly roamed the text. After a few moments, she faced Aidan, still holding the papers in her shaking hands. “Why would you do this?”
“I wanted to protect you from this, but it turns out Dad isn’t the only one who’s untrustworthy.” Aidan leaned against the table before sinking into a chair. Perspiration dripped down the side of his temple, and his face had gone pale. “Dad had an affair with Mackenzie’s mother. She’s his daughter.”
Lila set the results down. “This has to be a mistake.” Her non-reaction stunned me.
“There’s no mistake.”
Her gaze swerved between Aidan and me. I wrung my hands, recalling my devastation upon hearing my mom’s bombshell. “Did you know?” I asked. “My mom told me on Thanksgiving.”
“I heard the rumors involving Will Beckmeyer, but this has to be a mistake.”
“We can’t afford mistakes.” I locked my eyes with hers. “I don’t have the stomach flu. I’m pregnant.”
“Wh-what?”
Aidan rose again, his full height towering over her and the table, despite her standing up straight. He placed his palms flat against the surface. “The last three days have been hell. We thought we were related—even talked about abortion—all because no one can tell the damn truth around here!”
